 Dad-to-be's Diary
I'm a 33yold Australian living in Melbourne, Australia.
My wife is 37 and we're expecting our first child.
Week by week guide to becoming a Dad
Visit us at the Sydney Baby & Toddler Show
Come and visit us at Sydney Exhibition Centre, Darling Harbour, stand J21 from the 1st - 3rd October where we will be launching our new Dads supporters shop. http://sydney.babyandtoddlershow.com.au
To be fair, we'd been trying a while to conceive. It's amazing that that you spend a good chunk of your life trying not to knock up the fairer sex, and when it comes time to do your manly duty it doesn't always just *happen*. It had got to the point where we'd been to see the doc to make sure we were doing it right and that everything was in order. A few tests later showed the basics in working order, so we were to keep trying for a few months.
Now, I'm not going to go on about all the things that has to happen to conceive, I'll let wikipeidia take care of that. What I will tell you is that the odds of it happening are against you, and having done a poll of friends it is by no means an uncommon thing for it to take a while, or for nature to need a helping hand. Luckily for us we didn't need the nudge.
One thing that did make it harder though was me working away a week at a time. This meant we only had the weekends which split the odds further. The last week of my time away I flew the cheese and kisses up for the weekend. She had an inkling things might be up. There were some early telltale signs. Her period was late (that's always a good one) but also her breasts were tender and she wasn't really feeling like a drink. She decided to test when we got home.
Once we were home, I had to go into the office and she went to buy some tests. She said that she'd wait until I got home. "just do it" I said. I'm impatient at the best of times, but she insisted on waiting.
Not long after I got to work, she sent an SMS which I didn't see asking if it was ok to test anyway - she couldn't wait, and then not long after that I got a phone call.
She said she couldn't wait, which was fair enough so I asked her what it said.
"Hello daddy" was her response.
I had to work hard for the rest of the day not to have a silly smile on my face.
There's a few things you find out about as soon as you're wife is pregnant. The first is how to worry. Now I'm usually a fairly easy going kind of guy. Not a lot worries me and I can shrug most things off. What you find though is although the pregnancy test shows positive, and the doc says she's up the duff there is still a danger period - and that's the first 12 weeks. How dangerous? Some of the articles I've read quote figures like 1 in 4. With that dropping significantly after the 12th week. So you worry she's going to miscarry which incidentally, is why most couples don't announce they're pregnant to anyone until after that time.
So you get past that worry, and you approach the 12 week mark. Now if you're like a lot of couples (like us) you've probably left having a family a bit later than your parents did which has its upsides. You've lived life a bit, are financially better off etc etc. Now the downside. When your wife is born, all the eggs that she'll ever have are created. What that means is unlike your swimming fellas, they age as she does. The problem with that is, after a certain age (around 36) the chances of the baby having chromosomal defects sky rockets. Those defects are the sort that cause things like Down's syndrome.
Still with me? Something else you find is that this pregnancy business is a bit of a numbers game too and if you have any questions of being pro choice or against abortions then you need to sort them out around this time. At 12 weeks a Nuchal Translucency screen can be done. This takes a measurement of part of the babies neck from an ultrasound and a blood test from your wife, puts it together with your wives age and some other factors and comes out with the likely hood of the child having Down's syndrome or some other defect. The upside of the screening test is that is poses no harm to the baby. The downside is it's only about 90% accurate. There is a test to be absolutely sure - it's called a amniocentesis. Problem with that one is, there is about a 1 in 200 chance of it causing a miscarrige. Oddly enough the textbooks say a 36/37 year old woman (without testing done) has about a 1 in 200 change of having a baby with Down's syndrome.
Now hopefully you can see where the abortion comments come from. If you are anti-abortion you don't really have to make any decisions, in fact, you may not decide to go with an NT scan as you'd be having the baby anyway. If not, then you're hoping the NT test comes back with a nice large number. If it doesn't, you're faced with the question of whether to do the amnio and risk miscarriage. Then if it comes back positive, you're faced with the question of whether to abort the pregnancy or not.
Getting past the morbid stuff, the ultrasound is AMAZING! If you weren't planning to accompany your wife to it, I would strongly suggest you reconsider. For me, whilst my wife had been feeling a bit unwell in the morning and was getting a bit bigger around the tum, seeing that child in there, flipping around and starting to look like a human - well, it made it absolutely real.
So now you have a pregnant wife and year 10 bio is a bit hazy. You know the basics, but 'being a dad' wasn't covered in the course curriculum at your high school. Where do you turn to get more information on what to do now?
I used to be a scout when I was a little tacker. The motto of the scouts was 'be prepared'. There are some other idioms that I like: "Forewarned is forearmed" and "Knowledge is power". Or if you want it dumbed down a bit - "Knowing a bit about what is to come might give you a fighting chance of getting through". With these in mind I go looking for as much material as I can to equip me to be the best husband and father I can be.
Luckily for me I've had quite a few friends that have had children recently. Some live quite near where my wife and I do, and were able to recommend hospitals and obstetrician. Which is invaluable. It's a bit like taking your car to the mechanic. If you can't get recommendations from friends and colleagues, then you're pretty well left to pick one out of the yellow pages. Not fun, especially when it comes to what is the most precious thing in your life. Friends with children also know where the specials are for disposable nappies, toys, car seats, cots etc, and depending on how many children they've had, and how old they are, they may be kind enough to loan or give you some of their pre-loved items. But the one thing friends can give you is an honest, no nonsense opinion on what childbirth and becoming a parent has been like for them. It's a much more real account than reading on forums, magazines and books.
I've had a read through some of the baby and pregnancy magazines. Like most magazines they appear to be catalogues of expensive baby items in the guise of advertisement or reviews with a few handy articles.
There are any number of books on having a baby. Some are pretty informative, some are funny and some even try to write with the father in mind.
"So you're going to be a dad" by Peter Downey is one example. You can tell the book is getting a bit dated by the references to film cameras and coins for pay phones but it's a good read with plenty of useful advice. Don't think that the blokes books are all you need to read though. Reading a few of ones for the women folk will give you some more details and help you understand what is going on with your good lady wife.
"Baby love" by Robin Barker is a good no-nonsense book that reads almost like a manual which I'm sure I'll be referring to for years. The trick here though is I'm told is to understand that babies don't come with a user manual. It's unlikely that a book will describe just how your baby is going to behave so reading widely is a good way to have multiple ideas on how to deal with a given situation.
Books also suffer from the problem of getting out of date. What is consider right or safe for a child changes over time, so older books may land you in hot water or find you doing something now known to be unsafe. This is where older parents can be a little dangerous too. "But I turned out ok" might be true, but there are plenty of children out there that didn't make it for reasons we now are a bad idea.
Another place to go for opinions and advice are of course forums. There are a number in Australia. Bubhub, Bellybelly and Essential baby are a few examples. There are also forums associated with magazines and some baby products that you can join. The forums tend to be dominated by women (as you'd expect) with the usual dynamics associated with people on forums. Some are strongly opinionated, others fervently passionate about some topics. If you keep away from the warring factions on circumcision, immunisation and smacking you will find a lot of like minded people with some great experiences and knowledge to share. The forums are a great source of information.
The are also some dedicated sites for dads. One I joined recently that I like is http://www.imgoingtobeadad.com.au/. This one sends you weekly updates on what's going on with your wife and baby in nice easy to understand terms. For example the last update I received said my unborn baby is now the size of Foxtel remote. Something I can easily relate to. :)
The last resource of course is simply the vast internet. google.com and a few good key words will find you information on most topics you want. You can find instructional videos on how to deliver the baby (should you be put in a situation where it's needed) to details on how the baby develops in it's mothers tum.
As it turns out, the development pictures is how this blog got it's name. On looking at a 1 or 2 week old foetus representation, my trouble and strife declared that the foetus looked like Gumby. As such, that was the name our unborn baby took on.
Once we'd passed the danger period, we decided that getting as much baby stuff as is sensible would be a good idea before the big event. Even if we didn't have everything, having an idea of what we needed and where to get it seems to be the way to go.
Now, if you've tied the knot recently you'll notice that as soon as you say the W or M word to shops when you buy something the price immediate goes up significantly. For instance, you can get a perfectly good cake at say the cheesecake shop for $30. But, if you want a wedding cake you'll be lucky to get change from $300. Yes, I understand the big day etc etc. But still...
The same thing appears to apply for baby stuff. There are three big cost items you'll be wanting to get. The cot, the car seat/baby capsule and the pram. I'll get onto each of these in a moment. In fact, I think I'll give each it's own entry. :)
Luckily for us we have private health cover. Unfortunately it doesn't cover everything - Obstetrics are a bundle! So you'll need some money for the medco side of things.
Also they need clothes and blankets and rugs and cloths and nappies and chainsaws and baby monitors and... well, you get the idea. There are a number of websites (and shops) that will give you a *minimum* list of what is needed when you have a new born. You'll have to be patient until our little one is actually born before I can weigh in on just how useful those lists are. I dare say I'll put my own together, but for now we've taken a few of the lists, combined them and are using that as a starting point.
So back to getting stuff. One source of baby gear is friends and family. Kiddems don't wear clothes for long. They're always on the grow, so a few wears might be all some things get. A run through the washing machine sees items good as new. If someone offers up some clothes don't be proud. You're most likely doing them a favour as well by taking them as it clears up some cupboard space for the current size of kiddie clothes they're trying to put away. Also we found that parents are mad keen to buy some items. Given the sheer number of things we had to get, we happily agreed to letting parents buy whatever the wanted.
Now, maybe you haven't got friends that have had kids, or for whatever reason parent's can't help, or, you need to compliment what you've got. I was told about a handy market in Melbourne (thanks Maggie) called the Babies and Kids Market. This little gem is a swap meet for baby stuff! Myself and Gumby's mum went along to our first just this weekend past. We were looking primarily for a bassinet as I had read from Sids and Kids that it is recommended to have the baby sleep with the parents for the first 3-6 months and there was no way a cot would fit in our bedroom. I wasn't prepared to pay $200 for something that would only be used for 6 months.
 So... Along we went. We found our Bassinet, in good condition but in need of a wash - $50. I also found a nifty little wooden rocking horse for $5 and half a dozen items of clothing for $10. Our first experience of the markets was very positive. There is one thing I would not buy second hand - and that's a car seat/capsule. These items are of paramount concern when it comes to the safety of your baby. It's life may literally depend on that car seat/capsule. If it hasn't been treated well, or has been already involved in an accident, the amount of protection it gives may be compromised. You wouldn't buy a second hand helmet - don't buy a second hand car seat/capsule.
The internet is your friend when it come to shopping for other items. How we chose the items we wanted is a blog entry for another day, having said that, safety is always the priority for me. Cheaper doesn't alway mean less safe though. The breast pump we bought was $100 cheaper than RRP ($299 down to $199) from an online chemist in Queensland. The cot we bought we knew went on sale a few times a year via web searches and forums - $360 down to $230 - $130 off. The pram we want we know goes on sale too - we're just waiting; and though we haven't bought it yet, the car seat is much the same story - can be found for at least $80 off RRP. Moral of the story - shop around!
Today we went to see the obstetrician after our 19 week scan. He listened to the foetal heart rate, measured Gumby's mum's tum, and took her blood pressure, he reviewed the results with us and the good news is - everything is good, everything is normal. We'll be off to see him again in a month.
The 19 week scan was great. It was marvelous to see 'Gumby' waving it's arms around, sucking it's thumb and generally moving. At this scan the Doctor also tried to do some 4D scans for us as well, but they're not quite as good as some you see on youtube and other sites. Still, we were ecstatic. I won't go into everything that happened at the scan because I can show you, and we have the audio from the room as well. You can hear my wife and the doctor talking, and maybe me too. ;)
The ultrasound place we went to happily created a DVD for us for about $11 - a bargain! Exceptionally helpful when sharing with family a reasonable distance away and a blog audience. :)
Oh yeah, we found out the gender during this scan. But we're not telling. :)
This is hard - really hard. I've found shopping for a car easier than shopping for a pram. Then there are things like breast pumps. How does one select a vacuum cleaner for their partners fun bags? How do you look out for bargains, and where are the good reviews? I've been on the hunt and have found a few places to look and have some thoughts.
There are four things I consider with any purchase I'm going to make: Safety, practicality, price and durability. Safety rates highest, then I look for bang for buck which takes into account the other three, depending on the item.
Let's talk about prams. When you haven't had to use a pram before - like we haven't - the range of prams is daunting. Luckily there are websites/publications like Choice and the blogs that have reviews, buying guides, and lots of people expressing their opinions on a particular model. The main things I've found is - how small it folds (to fit in the boot), how light it is (for the least strongest to be able to put it in the boot), how easy it is to up/collapse one handed (when you've got a baby in the other hand) and is the handle height adjustable - which is handy not just for the height difference between you and your partner, but if bubbykins is in the pram and you're sitting on the couch pushing the pram back and forth to get the to settle.
Oh yeah, not all prams are suitable from birth either. Also, you very well may need two of them, especially if you like going for long walks. It turns out that some prams are good for the shops (small, light, high maneuverability) and some are better for walking/running and outdoorsy stuff. The difference here is the wheel size. You've probably seen the prams that are pretending to be tractors with the huge wheels. The reason they're big isn't because they've been on "Pimp my ride", it's because the wheels roll better over rough terrain. The small wheels on the other hand are good in the shops, being unobtrusive and lighter.
I read an article in the local paper saying that prams are fashion accessories in some circles. I cannot see the point of spending more on a pram than I did my first car. It's nonsense! Sales, Ebay and markets are good places to pick up a bargain.
Car seats are another hard one. Especially trying to find something that is safe. Luckily I found a program that has done some testing of the safety of child restrains. It's called (unsurprisingly) the Child Restraint Evaluation Program. You can see their latest results (Feb. 2009) here.
What is less good is the testing isn't done regularly enough, which allows some companies to make claims that are unverified by independent third parties. One example is a reputable brand is advertising it's reversible car seat as the safest in Australia. Who says? Well, the manufacturer does. It doesn't exactly instill great faith, does it? Now the seat in question is very popular, and the marketing message of "safest" is happily parroted by reviewers. But just because it's said often enough, doesn't make it true.
There is also the option of capsules. Some councils and companies rent these out for a reasonable amount. They appear practical for the first few months as most capsules are two part where one bit locks into the other, so you can take baby out without disturbing them, and vice versa. Also, a friend's (hi Greg) relative works at a university crash test centre and his feedback is that capsules are by far the safest option in those first few months.
I should mention that there is a really good website I use for scouring the catalogs for specials. It's called Lasoo. I'm not sure how they do it, but Lasoo plugs a bunch of catalogs into their system as they come in, then you can search on particular items - like prams! :) You can also set alerts so when the super funky pimped out lowered pram with extractors comes on special the guys at Lasoo will send you an email to tell you about it. Magic!
Lastly, a friend (Thanks Lil!) told me about another second hand baby thingy that's not a market, more like a second hand shop that's held in a hall. So a cross between a second hand shop and a market I guess. I might go check it out this weekend. These guys are known as Kids Recycle Works. If you've checked them out before, please comment below and let us know what they're like.
My sister called yesterday. She's been trying unsuccessfully for some time to conceive via IVF. She's not been doing IVF just recently and noticed her tum growing. Given binge eating wasn't the likely cause, her husband prompted her to do a pregnancy test - which came back positive.
The next bit of the story isn't quite clear to me, but I think it went something like they then waited the customary 12 weeks before telling anyone, and then saw their IVF specialist who did an ultrasound and did some measurements. It turns out they are closer to 19 weeks than 12 weeks, and their baby is due only two weeks after ours. :)
So congrats sis!
Yup, cheesy quote from a cheesy movie, but most people remember Highlander. If you cast your mind back, you may remember that when one immortal kills another (by chopping off their head) the immortal doing the killing absorbs the life force and power of the immortal being killed. According to the movie this process is called "The quickening".
Still with me? Wondering how this relates to pregnancy? Read on...
We're told by our obstetrician that at around the 21st week is the time that most women with their first pregnancy start to feel the little one doing backstroke, star jumps and skip rope. Women who have had a child before know what the sensations feel like, so tend to feel them somewhat earlier. In the last few days, Gumby's mum has been feeling some odd sensations which she has described as a mobile phone on vibrate inside her tum, and the sort of sensation you get when you have some gas and your stomach sort of does that bubbling thing. Except she has no gas. It was enough to wake her up one night, and given she's pretty well 21 weeks, we're pretty convinced that it's the baby she can feel. I've put my hand on her stomach, as well as my ear to it to see if I can hear anything, but nada. This is a point where blokes can (rightly) feel a bit like they're missing out. I know I do.
You might be surprised (as I was) to find the very first time the mother feels the baby is also called "The quickening" and has been called that for some centuries (pre-dating Highlander). Wikipedia tells me that initially 'quick' meant alive, and the quickening signified that the baby was indeed in there, alive and well. As such anything that happened to the quickened woman (eg if she was murdered) was also bestowed upon the baby. So it would be a double murder in this example. Laws have moved on and now the quickening is a cool name for the special event of feeling the baby move for that first time, but has no other significance attached to it. So... it's a useless, if not interesting piece of information.
Something slightly less useless we did this weekend just gone was attend the Pregnancy, Babies and Childrens Expo, or baby expo". We'd been warned that it gets busy, but holy squadron of babies batman!, there wasn't enough room to swing a toddler! I suspect all the prams is part of the problem.
To be honest, the crushing crowd made the show at best, unappealing, at worst - unworkable. We managed to wander around a bit, but it was nearly impossible to stop and look because the crowding meant if you paused you were likely blocking someone getting through and I could just imagine getting one of those big three wheel monster prams embeded in the back of my head by an impatient pregnant mother with a screaming child. I think if they used a larger area it would be far better. Perhaps it needs to run longer so it doesn't have the same volume of people. I do think that in it's current guise it's counter-productive to itself.
Having said that, we did manage a couple of good things though.
We scored a baby monitor at a very reasonable price. Some $100 below RRP and $30 below street price. We also got to see quite a few people we hadn't seen for a while. Helen, Dyon and Kai (for brunch beforehand), Martin, Fran, their little fella and bump, Leon, Beck and bump and finally Nat, Dave and Avery. Hi guys! :)
There were a few notable items spied when wandering around as well. The first was what cloth nappies have become. I must admit, when I think cloth nappies, I think a small white piece of towel folded up and fastened with a safety pin. The new ones - called Modern Cloth Nappies (in case you want to go googling) have velcro fastening, don't need folding as they're shaped for bubs bum already, and use exotic materials like bamboo, polyester and panda eyelids. They also use velco instead of a safety pin and some have inserts that come out separate for washing. Generally, they look very good. Then there is the punchline - the ones I saw were about $30 each (give or take). Disposables run at about 28c each, so (forgetting, electricity, washing powder and water etc) you'd need to get about 108 wears out of each nappy to make it worth it on the dollars. Dollars isn't the only consideration though. There are lines of thought that the chemicals used in disposables are no good for your little one, there's the environmental impact and then there's the convenience factor. Like a lot of choices, it's going to boil down to what works best for your family.
At one stall we spied a bath that looked like a transparent plastic bucket on a plastic stand in which the baby is bathed sitting up. I couldn't help but think that it looked like a baby in a blender. I made that comment to Gumby's mum and the stall holder across from the 'baby blender' heard me. She said "It's dreadful isn't it? it makes me uncomfortable looking at it all day".
We also saw a lot of prams. Not so much those being displayed, but those of friends, and of people walking around. We saw one couple with the faux old style prams which sells for about $6k, and everything else in between. There was one pram that I had looked at online but hadn't seen up close. Jen loved it, and I think we'll look at it again more closely (it's a Combi Urban Walker in case you're interested) but in typing this, I do recall a review saying something that Dyon commented on in a previous blog post - about there being enough room at the back of the pram not to smack my feet into. It was light, and folded/unfolded easily and had a reversible handle - looked quite versatile. I'll keep you updated.
There wasn't a whole lot else that I recall there. I do remember that there was a Buildgreen expo, and a multimedia expo called "Armageddon" on in the same convention centre. It made for a interesting mix in the communal area - nerds dressed up as cartoon characters, greenies, and pregnant women and babies. I'm sure a dodgey b-grade movie could be made from such a situation.
Crikey! It never ends. I know I've been talking about what baby things to get for a few posts now, and I reckon I know why I've been focusing on it. The trouble and strife is 22 weeks now, and 'touch wood' everything is progressing pretty well. She and bump are doing fine, and I'm feeling a bit useless. So in an effort to make myself useful I'm focusing on the *cough* traditional male providing role. That is, making sure we've got all the bits n pieces needed. We've talked about it, and reckon it's a good idea to have it all together by the end of the second trimester so when lady waddle-a-lot is finding it harder to get about (it will be summer too) in the third trimester, and in case Gumby decided to put in an early surprise appearance - we'll be ready.
I've talked about a few things we've got so far, but there is a much much more detailed list of stuff. Bunny rugs (I haven't worked out if they're made of bunnies) to nappy wipes.
Shops and websites (and the hospital) will give you a list of the things you need, but what are they all for and do you really need them? I'm going to give you our shopping list of stuff which has been pulled together from a few resources, and give you my thoughts on them.
As we haven't actually had the baby yet, I can only give an opinion on how useful I think something might be. I'm hoping readers that have had children will comment to provide some real life experiences. I will of course comment after the big day to say what was useful and what wasn't.
Clothing
I think the main gotcha here is size. If I have this right, the 'average' newborn is a size 0000, a slightly smaller (possibly prem) baby is 00000 and a bigger bubba is 000 and I'm told they don't stay a particular size for very long - so don't fill the wardrobes with 0000 because you either might not need them, or if you do, it won't be for long.
- Sleep Suits - also called onesies. Seems to be the PJs of the baby world, and given they do lots of sleeping, is an important bit of kit. I've received advice that the ones that button all the way down the legs are the way to go. It appears that starting off with six of these is enough.
- Cardigans - we all know what these are. Keeps 'em warm. Two are recommended.
- Bodysuit - I thought this was the same as a sleep suit - but it's not. The ones we've found are leg less, and the top is short sleeved. Sort of what you'd expect from a normal womans bodysuit. Six of these
- Singlets - Standard fare - 3 of these
- Shawls/Wraps - Muslins (thin-ish square material - not a religion) and some other wraps are useful for all matter of things - keeping 'em warm. Cleaning up, swaddling and the like. My list says two, but I have it on good advice that there is no harm having a stack of muslins around the place.
- Hat - Slip/Slop/Slap applies even more to kiddies than adults - their skin is super sensative. Also, lots of body heat escapes the head in cooler months. Gotta keep 'em warm. - Four of these
- Mitten - For keeping little hands warm and to stop nasty scratches on their face - four pairs.
- Socks and bootees - oddly enough, we're told that socks usually go missing and get kicked off at a high frequency. So whilst I understand the reason... maybe we'll need more - four pairs recommended.
Sleeping/Bedding
- Bassinet - only needed if the cot won't fit in the room, or to get started with until you get a cot, or if you don't have a pram with the Bassinet add-on.
- Cot - needed for little munchkins to sleep in after they're too big for bassinets. Some convert to toddler beds, so you can get a few years out of them. There are Australian Standards that cots must adhere to. Make sure they do. Choice has a buying guide of things to look out for too.
- Cot Mattress - most cots don't come with a mattress. Make sure the one you get fits the cot really well. You don't want little hands, legs and arms getting caught.
- Matress protector - yes well, we know the sorts of things that come out of babies. We don't want them absorbed by the mattress. Two of these.
- Fitted sheets - doing what fitted sheets do. Four.
- Cellular blankets - for keeping baby warm when sleeping. Three should do.
- Bunny rug - I'm still at a loss as to why these have the name, and how they're actually different. The hospital said we need some, and I have six on my list as being needed, and we have actually found and bought "bunny rugs, but right now, I'm none the wiser as to why bunny. I'll take counsel on this.
- Baby monitor - Optional I think. Depends on the size of your place, sleeping arrangements. The handbrake and I both were happy to have a baby monitor as the house is relative large, and we bought the model with two parental units. We also got the sensor pads for some peace of mind (and because we don't know any better)
Bathing
- Baby bath + stand - Optional. Stooping over a full sized adult bath (if you have one) and using a tiny amount of water in the bottom just seems like an un-fun thing to me. You can also use the laundry sink or another sink in the house if you want. So this item is a nice to have. We figure a bath on a stand with a drain hose can't be a bad thing.
- Large soft towels - chucking a baby in a tumble drier isn't recommended - use a towel.
- Baby nail scissors - apparently they grow - and need to be cut. Given adult fingernail clippers could probably take a babies whole finger off, something more appropriately sized is what is needed.
- Soft sponges - to give 'em a bit of a scrub.
- Baby liquid soap/shampoo - I'm not sure of the real difference between adult and baby shampoo/soap yet. I can only assume one the baby one is a little less harsh on the skin.
- Bath thermometer - optional. Probably a good idea if your sense of temperature isn't so flash. Some baths have a handy little strip on the side that indicates the temp of the water and if it's too hot/cold. The skin of a baby is a bit sensitive, you want to get this right. If you're not sure, use a thermometer.
Breastfeeding
Gumby's mum will be having a crack at breast feeding, so this is tackling the stuff needed from that point of view. If you're going to use formula only, you'll probably need more of some things, and less of others.
- Breastpump - Optional. I can imagine there will be days where the mobile smorgasboard will be off limits to bubs, or they're so full they need relieving, or some rations need to be collected for later use. My reading says this can be done manually, but it's easier with a pump. Which can also be manual or electric and can come in single or double barrel versions. manual is cheaper than electric, single is cheaper than double. Electric is supposed to be easier/quicker than manual, double barrel is supposed to be faster than single.
- Milk Storage containers - for storing the harvested milk in. Probably won't go well in coffee.
- Nursing pillow - Optional. When mum and bub are feeding, mum has to hold bub for quite a while sometimes. Try holding a bag of rice in your arm for an hour - bet it get's uncomfortable. The pillow is to put baby on.
- Formula - just in case mumma's milk takes a while to come in, or there are problems breastfeeding for whatever reason baby needs some grub. Steak and chips at the local won't cut it so you'll need something else. You don't want to be sleep deprived and panicking because baby hasn't had anything to eat for a day or two when you go looking for something. Have some on hand just in case.
- Dummy - optional. There are a few schools of thoughts on pacifier use. Each to their own. I haven't given it solid thought either way yet. The hospital has asked we bring one with the cherry shaped bit you suck on so we'll grab a few. Not sure if they'll get used.
- Bottles - we've got a half dozen of these for administering the breast milk or formula where needed.
- Steraliser - optional. You can do the boiled water thing to sterilise, or you can use a machine in the microwave or stand alone. I think this is a decision based on budget more than anything.
Changing
Babies are poop factories. We have to deal with it.
- Newborn Nappys - Modern cloth nappies or disposables. I've read that new borns can go some days or more without a poop. I've also heard that 8 nappy changes in a day isn't unreasonable. You do the math.
- Nappy bag - when you're out and about you need a bad to keep all the baby stuff in (bottles, nappies, dirty nappies, etc) there are some made expressly as nappy bags with handy storage pockets and insulated bits.
- Changing Mat - come with some nappy bags. You need a clean surface to change bub on. Also, you may need to keep the surface you're changing bub on clean.. If you get my drift.
- Nappy cream - I'm guessing it's not made from nappies, but helps with rashes and the like.
- Cotton wool - For cleaning up
- Baby wipes - Still more cleaning up
- Tissues - Even more cleaning up - how much mess can one baby make!?!? :)
- Nappy bin - If you're using disposables a well sealed bin could be handy. There are bins made specially for the purpose. They are expensive.
- Nappy bin bags - if you just get a generic bin, you just need generic bags - which are cheap. If you get the special bin the refills are bloody expensive, but the bin/bag combo is supposed to keep everything sealed up and smell free. I'm not sure how good they are.
- Change table + matching mat - It's nice to have bub at a height where changing them won't break your back. A specially made table for the purpose can help that. Some come with the nice squidgy change mat, some don't.
Transport
- Baby car seat/Capsule - I've talked about these in another post, but you will need one before the hospital will let you take the little tike home.
- Pram - I've talked about these too.
- Baby sling - these look like a great idea. There are some that are good for newborns, but not many. I love the idea of being able to carry the little one about with both hands free. I imagine it would make shopping much easier.
What about the other stuff?
Thermometer - I think one of these is handy to have about the place. You can get the ones that go in the ear that are supposed to be pretty good. Saves using the less than accurate hand on forehead technique to detect fevers.
There are safety gates, and a bunch of other safety things like cupboard latches and power point protector that will needed as soon as junior starts toddling. Which I'm told (I really need to look up the development charts) is after 3 months. So no mobility means not a lot of trouble to get into to start with. The same goes with toys.
We've been loaned a rocker/bouncer, as well as a rug/play centre. I'm sure they'll be used, but not sure if they'll be used straight away.
Now some of this stuff will need to go into a bag to go to the hospital with mum, as well as mum needing her own bag, and you yours. No one has ever said that dad needs a bag, but I think it makes common sense. Why root about in your wifes bag for a contact list, when you have have it packed where you know it is in yours. I'll go through what to pack for the big day in another article.
With around 30 days to go (give or take) I thought I'd take some time to reflect on the last few months. I haven't written for a bit because, well, after buying everything, not a lot happened during the second and early into the third trimester. I thought I'd summarise though.
Of course Gumby's mum's tum got a lot bigger. She looks like she nicked a basketball and stuffed it up her skirt. Her tum is also rock hard. Abs of steel, except it's actually her uterous under there. Generally she's been ok. She developed a fair bit of discomfort in her right ribs and back which we're told is normal, and sitting for any period of time is getting harder and harder. Long drives are a definite no no.
Speaking of drives, I sold my little two seater MX5. As much fun as the car was, two seaters just aren't going to cut it. A replacement hasn't been sorted yet, but it will likely be a wagon of some kind.
We've been to three of the five ante natal classes that the hospital runs. Oddly enough there's been no mention of boiling water and towels (think woman giving birth in ye olde style movies) and there has been quite a few videos. The first one was was a straight natural birth. I've seen that sort of thing before (another species) so no big deal there, the second was a ceaserean section which was quite interesting, but had most of the women in the room looking somewhat uncomfortable. The third was an info-mercial for baby massage. The baby massage looks like a good idea, the video was just a bit tedious.
Bags are packed and ready to go. I've been told that it's a good idea for me to pack a bag too. A change of clothes and some swimmers (helping out in the shower) some snacks, camera, a book, phone numbers etc. I'll post back on what was useful and what I forgot. :)
Pain options were another topic covered in the classes. I hold no opinion here other than it's completely Gumby mum's choice. If she wants a needle in the spine, fine. If gas is enough, that's cool too. I fully respect her wishes. We've hired a TENS machine as well. I'm also taken some pain preventative action. I will be wearing a cricket protector just in case I get too close at an inopportune time.
Another item we hired is a dopler. Something mum to be experiences is movement of the baby. It's an ongoing thing, where she feels movements on and off every day. If she doesn't feel movement for an extended time, some anxiety results and a visit to the hospital to make sure everything is ok results. The way they check on things in the hospital is to put a couple of bands around m2b's tum which has some sensors on them. One measures the foetal heartbeat, the other measures any contractions/kicks/movements if they go on. So, back to the dopler. It's effectively just the baby heartbeat listening device. It's not meant to be used much, and he have it on hand in case we get one of those 'quiet days' so we can check the heartbeat (if nothing else) is ok. It's just a piece of mind thing.
Lastly, from the ante natal class, is the time to know when to go into the hospital. I never really knew there were several parts to giving birth. I'd never given it much thought, and had it in my mind that labour was the more or less the whole thing. It's basically three stages. The first is labour, where the cervix dilates. This happens with contactions and can take many many hours. You don't have to go into the hospital when the contractions start, but it's a good idea to time the contractions (length and time apart) and let the hospital know. Then once dilated (to about 10cm) the delivery begins (this is the pushing bit), then after the baby pops out (all going well) the placenta is delivered.
So, when is it time to go to the hospital? Work knock off! Eh? Yes, after work is 5:30... contractions 5 minutes apart, lasting 30 seconds. (I'll let you know how that works out for us)
Hello Ladies and Gents :)
It's been about 34 hours since little Zach was born. Crumbmum has ducked into the bathroom to have a shower and freshen up, so I thought I'd post the birth experience I had (as the cheer squad).
If we spin the clock back to about 11pm on Monday night we find Crumbdad and Crumbmum at home. Crumbdad was fluffing about on his computer reading some random website, and Crumbmum was in the bedroom, putting on a Miss Marple DVD she wanted to watch part of before going to sleep.
I'm sitting at my computer when Crumbmum comes up to me.
"I've just felt a pop!"
"A pop? What sort of pop" I say.
"Down there, a popping sensation, it was weird".
"Hmm" I think, we hadn't heard of that in the ante natal classes. So "clickety click" on google and the first hit - membrane repture/waters break - aha!
"I think we should give the hospital a call"
So we call the hospital and they tell us to come in and that there is no rush.
"Great", we think. So both have showers and get dressed in some comfortable clothing. As Crumbmum was getting ready for her shower the waters managed to find their way out. No doubt at all what the popping was now.
As the hospital bags are already in the car (I like being super prepared) we grab some last minute things and head to the hospital. No contractions at this point.
We arrive at the hospital about midnight and the lovely midwives put Crumbmum on the double rubber band monitoring do-hickey and we waited. Crumbmum has what she describes as period pain type cramps.
Time passes.
The midwives check the printout from the machine and explain that they expect to see the foetal heart rate change with the 'contractions'. It appears the little tacker is snoozing, so cold sweet drinks and some prodding of the stomach is applied and after a while the results show what the midwives are expecting. The time is now about 1 or a bit after, not much appears to be happening apart from the ocassional 'cramp'. The midwives explain that we'll be staying the night and the ob will be in in the morning to help things along.
So Crumbmum gets a panadene and a sleeping tablet and we try and get some sleep.
More time passes.
The cramps are getting progressively worse. I covertly time them and find they are about 10 minutes apart. About 3am and Crumbmum is having to move about to get on top of the pain. We put her TENS machine on, and it helps a bit. Half an hour later and the pain is now enough that I call in one of the midwives.
The midwife decides an inspection is in order and finds that Crumbmum is at 5cm. That happened a lot faster than we were expecting. Not sure why we expected it to be slower, but there you go. Crumbmum is making a fair bit of noise at this point, something about being in pain she was saying, so the midwife offers pethadine and gas. Crumbmum wasn't so keen on the pethadine option when she put her birthplan together, but was easily talked around when the midwives told her it would be about another 4 hours until she would be fully dilated, and the drugs should be worn off by then.
The drugs, gas, TENS seemed to help a bit. In what felt like no time at all a further examination was done and Crumbmum was asked if she felt like pushing, to which the answer was 'yes'.
Meanwhile, whilst all of this was going on, Crumbdad was standing at Crumbmums side. Offering a hand to hold, using a damp washer to cool her forehead and offering water after every hit on the gas. My jokes about watermelon and eyes of needles were not being received well, in fact, they weren't be received at all as Crumbmum was deep in concentration. Not knowing what else to do, I kept offering water, my hand and saying random comforting things.
In what seemed like a blink of an eye Crumbmum soon had one foot on the hip of a midwife, and the other on the hip of the ob, and was being told to push, to which she replied "ARHGHNNNNNNNGGGG AAANNG!"
which I thought was a fairly reasonable response.
My finely tuned movie watching mind expected this bit to go on for hours, but after what was probably a dozen pushes suddenly there was a flurry of activity and a bluey-red alien looking thing appeared on Crumbmums chest.
Some other stuff happened, which I don't actually remember much of (shock had set in at this time I suspect) but I do remember someone putting some scissors in my hand and saying "cut here" pointing at a very odd looking sausage. By twisting myself like a contortionist I managed to not stab my wife, or what I suspected to be a shape changing alien (it was beginning to look human) and cut the sausage. Then some more stuff happened where I ended up holding the alien that had transformed into a baby. You can tell I was in awe of it's shape shifting capabilities from the look on my face here.
Someone in the delivery room must have been Scottish because a haggis appeared (or something that looked like one). Maybe it was another shape shifter! It was fairly large too, I would expect a placenta to be smaller.
After that there was pretty well all the stuff that the Ante natal classes talk about. Zach got a feed from Crumbmum and they're both doing well. :)
Happy 0th birthday Zach!
This diary was kindly given to Imgoingtobeadad by http://gumbylog.blogspot.com/ please visit Bretts Blog for more details.
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