• Do the test again
• F***
• Is it mine?
• Holy Sh"" balls it's on!

• No, waited the 3 months
• I got pissed on my birthday and told a load of people which I nearly got shot for
• I thought the first 3 months where really quite dull, you can't tell anyone
• Throwing up and the bullshit drinking pretending to get her a gin & tonic when actually it's fizzy water

• Monitored the breast increase with vigour
• Designated driver very good
• "Designated Dropper Off-er" as well, suddenly she started saying " Don't feel like going out tonight, but you go ahead"
• They just get miserable and don't want to go anywhere

• Wolf whistle from Dad A
• Curvaceous
• Boobs
• No longer had to pay $50 bucks
• Walked around with red hands for two weeks, from the constant slapping to stop touching
• They go into the nesting mode
• We went in to cleaning mode  - everything had to be clean
• Setting up the nursery obsession

• I would take anything I could get
• We will find a way that works!
• It a little bit weird at the end - liquidising your own child
• Once it's kicking it's weird  -  not right

• Around the six month mark
• Bloke told me now he was getting it every night, I didn't get that - felt robbed
• Did with the first kid not with the second
• Supposedly they say if it a boy you get more sex - doubt that based on any medical facts
• Nothing - I got nothing, tried everything, nothing, not interested
• The caesearean is a problem, you don't get any action for a long while after that
• I still come back to the breasts, I was mesmerised
• Once you get squirted with milk you realise there not yours anymore
• My wife promised me bigger breasts when she got pregnant - that's what persuaded me - didn't think about the baby then sucking the life from out of them
• I was robbed she started at a DD ended up a B - that's a crime, that's when you start saving for a boob job

• We still got the baby bonus, people where going out and buying flat screen TVs'
• I had a nappy account and we put money away when we could
• I recon 7/8 grand in hospital fees and baby stuff
• All part of the experience - opening your wallet and just handing it out!
• More the worry of the wife stopping working - double income and suddenly you are faced with a single income, it's more the worry than anything else
• When both partners are earning nothing, half of nothing is still nothing, fine we're skint - life goes on.

• No
• And still haven't

• Yup I got that
• Me to

• Yes, wife wanted to know
• No
• Didn't for the first did for the second
• Had 2 boys and was told there was 70% chance of getting another boy and so we found out
• Statistically, Super Fit and handsome men have girls! 

• Dull
• Born 28 weeks and 5 days - didn't have time, poor little guy was in IDU for 3 months
• I thought they where good - worth going to and getting your head around those things
• We learnt to swaddle
• Oh the video the 70's video!
• The actually brought a live placenta into our class - I did not need to see that
• They asked if we wanted to keep the placenta
• I was considered the idiot and just made silly jokes the whole time

• Sunday morning lye-ins
• Stupid to renew my golf membership and to think I could still have surfing and golf!

• No free time
• Cost
• Lifestyle change
• Unknown, just the unknown
• Sounding like my father
• I used to like my old life and now I'm not sure about this new life

• Don't book any international flights
• She's right
• Happy wife, happy life
• Pick one hobby and hold onto that for dear life and let everything else go
• For the six months before the kid arrives do everything you can!
• Sleep, sleep and sleep some more

• Didn't stay in!
• I had a purple patch
• You just do it

• Head
• Tail
• Tail
• Tail
• I was in the water during the birth

• Feaky
• Didn't put me off
• As the wife was screaming I was thinking, "Oh F*** I'm going to pay for this for the rest of my life.."
• Amazed
• Defiantly amazed
• Quite phenomenal
• Wow that is a lot of stretch capacity

• Nappy changing - easier than I thought
• Nappy changing - harder with a boy

• I felt no attachment for the first six weeks
• I did
• I didn't
• I felt detatched, I wanted to be helpful but couldn't do anything.

•  You see all the midwifes around being able to tell how far long the women are listening to them - she's 10 minutes away, she's 30 minutes away, that's happening right now
• I went into the breast feeding from by mistake!

• Became the 3rd wheel, got up, went to work, came home, changed nappy, got up in the middle of the night, got up, went to work, got home, changed nappy....
• Suddenly you become a morning person, not a normal morning person but a 3 o'clock or a 5 o'clock in the morning person
• I felt quite redundant, couldn't actually do anything to help, you could get up at the 1 o'clock in the morning feed but what's the point. You can't feed them and then you get blamed in the morning for not getting up and you ask; "what was I supposed to do" I couldn't actually help.
• Very good at making up a work crisis so she would say, "You better get your sleep."
• I found the best way to make sure that the both of us weren't tired was to make sure I had enough sleep.

Leave your comments on this article